Trasparency

I have been thinking about transparency a lot lately. It keeps coming up in things I read and hear. As I am learning, this is a Sacred Echo. Something that God wants me to listen and pay attention to.

It is scary and difficult for me to be real sometimes. It is not easy to share my deepest experiences, thoughts or insecurities. I constantly wonder what others will think. I clean my house before anyone comes over, so they will not see the piles of paper, the toys and various clothing items that litter the house from one end to the other. When I speak, I filter my words and edit myself so others will not think less of me. To some extent this is good- feelings don't get hurt when I slow down and choose words more carefully. But, at times it is not real, it is not who I am.

I do this in daily life and I started wondering, do I do this with God? I will confess, that lately my prayer life has been rather stagnant. There are so many people and requests on my prayer list and I send out little prayers throughout the day. But, I have not had a good quiet prayer time in a while. I let myself get caught up in perfectionism (maybe an evil whisper) and it silenced me. "Am I saying the right thing? Am I asking the right way? Is this Gods will? What does He think? Do I sound like a whining child?"

This morning however, I started to journal. So many thoughts came to me. God loves us at every moment of our lives. He wants to hear from us, no matter what we sound like. If I were perfect, I wouldn't need Him. We learn through each stage of life and He is our teacher.

I thought of my children. When they were little, I taught them sign language so that they could communicate their needs before they could speak. As they learned to talk, we continued to use our sign language and added simple speech into the mix. Now, they are speaking in sentences. Some of them are grammatically correct and others are not. I encourage them to use please and thank you. When they forget, I simply say "try again, but nicer this time". I don't get angry or condemn, I am trying to teach them. Through it all, I love them. I love to teach them, I love to watch them develop and learn. I see their progress everyday and my heart swells with pride to see the wonderful people that they are becoming.

How much more does God love us? How much more patience does He have? Each step of our life He can see our progress. He remembers where we started and He knows where we are going. He is so proud of us in this moment when we reach out and talk with him. No matter what we sound like. To Him, it is good.

My daughter was sitting with her Grandfather recently. "I pray for you every night", she said. I was so proud of her. I pray that she never loses that honesty. I pray that I can be like her.